Matchmaker Madness!
by Zipora Tsuki
Summary: *One shot* Picture this: Kagome, a matchmaker, and a lobster that doesn't want to become parfait . . .


ZT: Hi people! This is just something I thought about one night and decided to make a one shot out of it. Please be nice, and I don't own the Inuyasha gang.  
  
IY: Thank the gods  
  
ZT: Just for that, I'm gonna have Kagome sit you.  
  
IY: {Little panicked} No no! Please no!  
  
ZT: {Smiles sweetly to the audience} Enjoy!  
  
IY: Aww man!  
  
Match-Maker Madness  
  
By: Zipora Tsuki  
  
"Inuyasha, please! I need to go back to my realm!" Kagome pleaded with the stubborn as ever Inuyasha. Yet again, he was trying to forbid her from going back to her time. "Please Inuyasha! I need to take my tests or I'll never pass high school!"  
"No way, wench!" he growled, stubbornly, "You need to stay here and collect Shikon shards!"  
"But, I have tests! I need to go!" Kagome protested.  
"Do you love these tests of yours that much?!" Inuyasha yelled.  
"Love them?! I hate them! That's why I need to go, so I can get them over with!" Kagome yelled back.  
"You're not going wench!"  
"Oh yes I am!"  
"No, you're not!"  
"Whose gonna stop me?"  
"I am!"  
"Oh really?"  
"You sound skeptical."  
"I am."  
"Huh, you are? Why?"  
"SIT!"  
BAM! "Damn you!"  
"That's why." With that, Kagome jumped into the well.  
  
"Kagome?! Should you be walking, yet?!" one of her friends exclaimed.  
"Huh?" Kagome asked as she entered the school gates, already knowing that it was her grandpa's doing.  
"Oh, don't try to act like it was nothing, Kagome! I was talking about the car accident! I heard that you've had a serious concussion."  
One of her other friends walked up, "A concussion? I thought it was a coma!" A sweat drop appeared on Kagome's head, and she sneaked off to class while her friends discussed whether or not she had a concussion or coma.  
  
"Class there will be no tests for the rest of the week because of the special events for the ladies," Kagome's teacher said.  
'What special events?' Kagome wondered.  
She didn't need to wonder for long, "Remember, our class will be the first to go, so you ladies should bring your best gowns tomorrow no matter what your last name is. And remember, the Match-Maker is a professional and what she says determines your future husband."  
  
"We're having a matchmaker?!" Kagome exclaimed at lunch.  
Her friends nodded, "Yeah, we've known about it since, well, the day after your accident."  
"But, why?" Kagome asked.  
"Well, you know how tons of people are getting divorces remarried like every five minutes now? Well, studies have showed that arranged marriages work out much better than regular marriages. So, our year in our school has been chosen in an experiment to see if the matchmaker's marriages will work out better than regular marriages." Her friend explained (AN: They're not important, I'm not adding names! You can't make me!!!!!!!!!!!!).  
Kagome sat down and tapped her fingers, "What are we being tested on?"  
"I think its appearance, elegance, skills as a housewife, talents, and behavior."  
"Fun . . ."  
  
"Mom! Do we have any elegant clothing?" Kagome asked as she walked in the kitchen.  
"Oh, that's right! You have your matchmaker tomorrow! I'm so proud of you!" her mom exclaimed.  
"Proud of me? Mom, I've had no time to prepare! I'm gonna do terrible! And aside from that, I have nothing to wear! At least, nothing worth impressing someone in!" Kagome exclaimed.  
"Yes you do," her mother said, smiling, "I got you a little something when I found out you were going to have a matchmaker at your school." She took Kagome up to her room, opened the closet, and pulled something out.  
Kagome gasped; it was pearl white, silk kimono with the silver outline of cranes embroidered all over it. "Mom," Kagome gasped, "It's beautiful! It must have cost a fortune!"  
"Well, I know that the other girls have had a ton of time to get ready while you just found out the day before, so I don't expect you to do the best in some of the other things. But, at least you'll know that there is no girl to compete with your beauty, no matter what the grump of a matchmaker will say," she said.  
"What makes you say that?" Kagome asked.  
"Because all the guys will be drooling over you and praising you as if you're a goddess!" her mom exclaimed. Both of them giggled like teenagers.  
  
"Wow, Kagome! You look beautiful!" one of her friends exclaimed.  
"Let's just hope it impresses the matchmaker, I'm first!" Kagome groaned.  
"Higurashi Kagome!" a deep snooty voice called out. The matchmaker was a fat woman with small glasses, a clipboard, and an air like Kikyo's around her. Kagome gulped and silently followed her into the gym.  
Kagome looked around the gym in awe; it had been completely changed from a gym to different parts of a house.  
"Gawks instead of paying attention."  
Kagome whirled around to face the matchmaker, "Say what?!"  
"Talks back to elders." She marked something down on her clipboard.  
Kagome was about to protest, then thought better of it.  
The woman nodded in approval, "Catches her mistakes quickly! Very good when it comes to our stubborn other halves."  
Kagome took this as a compliment, "Thank you ma'am."  
"Speaks without permission!"  
"What?! I was just being polite!"  
"No respect at all!"  
"Oh, bite me!"  
"Has a bad temper!"  
"Tell it to me, not you clipboard!"  
"Has a terrible attitude problem."  
Kagome glared at her.  
"And doesn't know how to glare properly!"  
Kagome's jaw dropped. She quickly made herself look presentable again, not wanting anything else bad written about her. The matchmaker walked around her, inspecting her appearance, "Too thin and not much muscle. Not good for bearing children."  
'Well, at least I have a reason for Miroku to back off . . .' Kagome thought, sarcastically.  
"Now, young lady, follow me!" She led Kagome to an area that looked like a kitchen and dirty dining room, "I would like you to show your skills at cooking and cleaning. Here!" She gave Kagome a complicated recipe, "I want you to make Lobster Parfait. And while you're at it," she gestured to the dining room, "Clean up this mess."  
Kagome bowed, "Yes," she looked at the recipe and went to work, "Your Majesty."  
As she minced the garlic, the matchmaker tsked, "Doesn't know how to mince."  
"Excuse me, but I don't like people looking over my shoulder while I cook, thank you very much." Kagome said, trying to keep her voice calm. The matchmaker huffed and walked away.  
She soon came back when she heard what sounded like sword fighting. Kagome was fighting off the lobster's claws with a butter knife, "What are you doing?!"  
"That thing's claws were unbound! It won't let me come near!" Kagome exclaimed, still duking it out with the lobster.  
"Just grab it and put it in the pot!" she exclaimed, giving Kagome some tongs. Kagome did as she was told, but before she could put the lid on, the lobster jumped out. The two looked at each other, screamed, and ran around the gym with the lobster on their heels. They ran around in circles five times before Kagome found the hidden archery equipment and shot it.  
"Do you know how to cook anything?!" the matchmaker huffed and puffed.  
Kagome looked down, "Ramen . . ."  
"Oh, for goodness sakes! Everyone knows how to make ramen!"  
"Well, excuse me! My friends don't exactly command me to make 'Lobster Parfait!' They just ask for ramen or pancakes!" she yelled back.  
"So, are you saying you want to marry your friends?"  
"If they're my perfect type, hell yeah!"  
"Curses! (Writes it down)"  
"I'm gonna break that clip board!"  
"Threatens!"  
"Gee, I wonder why?"  
"That's it!" the matchmaker cracked her board in half, "Anyone who thinks that YOU'RE the right material for a wife is completely insane! The only thing you're good at is shooting an arrow, and I doubt THAT will come in handy! You may look like a noble wife, but you will never find yourself a man who loves you!" She scribbled something down on her broken clipboard, folded it, and stuck it in an envelope. She handed it to Kagome, "Here's my rating! Now leave!"  
Kagome was shocked; she had not expected that sudden outburst. She numbly nodded and walked out. 'I won't cry. I won't cry!'  
Her friend ran up to her, "Hey Kagome! How'd you do?" She burst into tears and ran from the school.  
  
She ran all the way to a park near her shrine (AN: There's probably going to be a park in all of my stories, so get used to it). She sat on a swing and cried some more, glad that she was the only one there.  
Or so she had thought; she noticed a shadow on the ground in front of her and quickly wiped her eyes, "Go away, Inuyasha!"  
"Wench, what's wrong with you?" he asked, obviously not going to follow her command. Then he noticed a seal on the envelope and understood, "A matchmaker, huh? Seems their seals haven't changed. How bad did you do?"  
"Terrible!" Kagome sobbed, and told him all that happened. "And then, she told me that I'll never find myself someone who loves me!" She sobbed even louder.  
Inuyasha wrapped his arms around her, "That is not true! I know three guys who love you: That Homo- err- Hojo guy who you talk about, that damn wolf Kouga is always calling you his beloved or his woman, and there's- well there's . . ." He blushed.  
Kagome looked at him, "There's who?"  
"There's me!" he blurted out, seriously red now, "I-I love you. I have since almost immediately after I met you! You accept me for who I am, even though I'm a half-breed! Not even Kikyo felt like that. She wanted me to be full human, damn it!"  
"Do . . . do you really mean that?" she asked, her tears that had been shocked away starting to return.  
"Please don't cry, Kagome. Yes, I do mean that. In fact, the reason that I try and get you to stay is not because of the fuckin Shikon shards. That's just an excuse because, well, I was afraid to tell you that I just wanted you to stay. Kagome, I never had a real place to call home before, and now, I feel like with you, that is my real home!" he said quickly, trying to still her tears. He hugged her tighter.  
To his surprise, she hugged him back, "I love you too! I was just afraid that you felt like I did . . . just towards Kikyo."  
"No! No, I love you! Kikyo, I feel sorry for her, that's it, nothing else. I mean, I used to love her, but that was fifty years ago!"  
Kagome snuggled into his red kimono, "Thanks for clearing that up for me. Let's go back to my place, then we can go back to your realm."  
He nodded and helped her stand up, "By the way, what'd she right down for her rating?"  
Kagome looked at the envelope, "I haven't opened it . . . Here I can't look." She handed it to Inuyasha.  
He opened it, read it, and grinned, "Don't worry," he crumpled it and threw it behind them with the envelope, "You're perfect for me either way."  
  
They leaned close and kissed. At first, it was just lips touching, but then the tong slipped in. The kiss lasted a good two minutes before they decided that they needed to breathe. Then, they walked back to Kagome's house with each other's arms around their waists (Ya know, like couples do).  
  
"Kagome, someday when your ready, will you be my mate?" Inuyasha asked, getting on one knee and all.  
Kagome smiled through her tears, and nodded, "I'd be honored."  
Kagome's mom was crying tears of joy from the kitchen door, Souta was jumping for joy about having Inuyasha for a brother-in-law, and Grandpa was looking for the wine to celebrate!  
"Here." Inuyasha gave Kagome a golden necklace with a golden heart and a ruby in the center, "My dad gave this to me when I was a pup. He told me to give it to the woman that I want in my life forever. So, I want you to have it."  
Kagome put the necklace on and threw her arms around Inuyasha. She didn't care what that matchmaker rated or what studies said; she knew what was right for her . . . Inuyasha. She couldn't be happier!  
  
ZT: Okay that's the end. {Walks away} . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . {Jumps out of nowhere} Just kidding!  
  
Kagome's friends walked the park, "Kagome! Where'd you go?!" One of them spotted Kagome's crumpled up rating, opened it, and read it, "Oh, poor Kagome . . ."  
Hojo looked over at her, "What's wrong?"  
"Listen to this: 'You are by far the worst wife material I've ever seen! The only man who could even possibly be suited for you, would have to be part demon!!"  
"Oh, my!"  
"She must be so upset!"  
"I hope she doesn't get a relapse of something! I mean, she gets sick so easily!"  
  
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* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
ZT: Okay, now it's really done! I couldn't resist! Her friends are so gullible. {Looks thoughtful} I wonder how that matchmaker would react if she realized how right she was with Kagome's rating. She even said "Part" demon! Anyway, tell me how you like it and be sure to read my other story(s). There could possibly be another one by tomorrow. Trust me, when I get bitten by the writing bug, I can go through a notebook in a day. (I've done it twice already, but then I chucked them . . . Stupid me!) Sorry it you find an out of place letter or symbol here or there; my cat just jumped on the keyboard . . . 


End file.
